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Well, hello Mr. Myers!

Earlier this week I watched the excellent “His name was Jason”, a documentary about the “Friday the 13th”-movies. It was hosted by Tom Savini and featured the actors behind most of the significant characters in the eleven movies long series (so far at least..).

Then while enjoying my breakfast this morning (bacon, sausage, baked beans, scrambled eggs and toast if anyone’s interested) I watched “Halloween 4″ on DVD. This got me compairing the villains of both of these slasher-flick series and after a bit of thought I actually came to the conclusion that, even though I’m a huge “Friday the 13th”-fan and really love the Jason Voorhees-character, realistically Michael Myers is a bit scarier than Jason Voorhees is. This is why:

• Michael Myers wasn’t made evil by any particular event. He was born that way. Jason was brought back to life to avenge the death of his mother (who was the villain in the first “Friday the 13th”-movie). Therefor the evil of Myers is more pure. It didn’t need anything to set it off or anything to explain why it exists, it was simply there all along. Evil incarnate in other words.
  

  Scared yet?

• Michael Myers isn’t as super-natural in nature as Jason is and is therefor more believable. With the exception of “Halloween 6 – The curse of Michael Myers” there isn’t a lot of super-natural stuff going on in the “Halloween”-movies except, of course, that it’s damn hard to put Michael down and that he keeps getting up after receiving tremendous damage. Sure, there was that psychic-link thing going on in “Halloween 5″ but that’s not even close to some of the things going on in the “Friday the 13th”-movies. Jason on the other hand has had his skull cracked in half, been chained to a rock and drowned at the bottom of Crystal Lake and has even been blown to smithereens (“Friday the 13th part 9, Jason goes to hell”), yet he keeps coming back. Not very believable. It’s at least a tiny bit more believable that a super-psychotic homocidal maniac like Michael Myers can take fifty bullets and still keep coming at you. I mean, that stuff actually happens on occasion, especially if said maniac is hopped up on some nifty narcotics too in addition to being crazy out of his mind. More believable equals creepier in my book.
• The whereabouts of Jason Voorhees is seldomly known to people between movies. He’s just “somewhere out there” waiting to be awakened one way or another, grab a machete and go to work again. Michael Myers is locked up in an insane asylum, alive and well between several of the films. Knowing that a creature containing such evil and fury is alive and kept within the system of modern society is a lot scarier to me than that there might be a dude in a hockey mask haunting the woods by some lake in New Jersey. It’s easier to relate to, and thus scarier.
• Also, Michael Myers is more focused on his task, that of killing every single one of his own family members, than Jason is. While both of them slaughter anything in their path without mercy, Jason’s reasons for killing are more abstract than that of Myers. He basically just returns to Crystal Lake whenever he is awakened and starts hacking up everything in sight. Not much of a plan if you ask me. This makes me think that the brain of Michael Myers is actually working, not perfectly but still, while Jason’s mind has obviously vacated his skull a long time ago leaving him with only the most basic urges. Brutal unstoppable killer with half a brain or brutal unstoppable killer with practically no brain at all, I know which one freaks me out the most.

His name was Jason...

So while Jason definitely wins the body count, he’s starred in eleven movies versus Michael Myers’ seven (not counting the recent remakes), in believability and scariness I think Michael Myers wins big. But then again, I’m obviously out of my mind too since I’ve just spent over half an hour debating the believability of two very fictional characters with myself

I think I’m gonna watch “Friday the 13th part 6, Jason lives” now. Or maybe “Texas chain saw massacre”? A comparison between Michael Myers and Leatherface would certainly be interesting and worth my time. Or maybe not…

• Terrorists love to play online games, and they’re really good at it too.
• If you play a war-themed game really well, the government will think you’re a terrorist.
• Supercomputers can talk and their insides light up and flash when they’re processing data.
• When something is written to or displayed on a computer screen, it always makes some sort of beeping noise.
• When a user is denied access to a remote computer system a deep bloopy noise is made and the screen goes blank.
• Articifical intelligence always equals hostility towards the human race.
• The more powerful computer, the more unrealistic and crazy 3D-swirling graphical user interface.
• Computer-savy teenagers can do anything even remotely imaginable with any and all pieces of information technology hardware, especially if there’s a cheap joke involved.
• You can use Photoshop to make fake passports. Really. You can.
• If you’re gonna make a movie that really sucks, be sure that the title and absurd story at least does a good job of raping the legacy of a real classic piece of cinema.

This has been some of the most loathsome ninetyfive minutes of my life. The only thing that could’ve made this movie any worse would’ve been an appearance by Steven Seagal. Oh well, maybe he’ll appear in the sequel…

Serious ass-kickering awesomeness courtesy of Joss Whedon coming soon…

More info here, and here.